How I learned to mind my own business…

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were shouting, ‘ 13….13….13. ‘

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see What was going on…..

One of them poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting ‘ 14….14….14 ‘…

Green Ketchup

Remember green ketchup? That shit was titts.

I Tell The Truth

So I was searching gmail for something, and came across this section of a conversation, made me laugh.

11:38 AM John: Z̡͒̊̃͏̷͎̝̗͖̳̪̹ặ̡̢͍̜̙ͪ̂͛̈́ͧl̸̟̬͓͓̣̻͓̟̒̑̈ͦg̛̐̈́̇̏͒̌ͯ̎҉+̧͖̳͉̯͎͓̩ͅo̸̻̣̤̥̹̣̾ͥͨ͌+̷̸̐ͧ͛ͪ͛ͫ̈́҉̳̼̩c̷̻̭̜̣̻͉̭̒̔ͅâ̱̰̻͕̫̆̍ͥ̿̏̈́͞m̡̰̤͛̅̈́͑ͧ͒̓ͬ̚+̥͓͔̼̼̹e̮̜͙̠͑͂̈ͪ+̷̛̞̹͎͖̝͚̩͓̲́ͣt̢͍̼͇̻͇͕͕̞̎̐̾̉ͮ͘ơ͖̱̟͍̩͋́̎̒ͨͣ̚͘+̶̺̣̜̘̮̭̱͓ͪͣͣ͢ṫ̜̗͍̬̘̣̥͈ͯ̑͐e̛͕̟̠̞͎̓͆ͣ͐̾̈́͘l̠̻̮̲̉ͩͧ̓̎ͮͬ+͎l̢͖͖ͮ̾ͯ͊̌̓ͅ+̔͑҉̬̝̘͍y̧̆̈́̑҉͔͎͕̙̥̩̤ơ̲̞͉͇͈͚̇̉ͣ̊̈́̔̚͝u̡̨͉͔̞̱͔̲̜ͣ̓͆̑̐+̯̜̀ͧ͟t͗͊̐ͥ͛͏̜͕͙̻̗͇ͅh̶̡̛͎̭̤̄̆̍͗̍̔̐͗ả͓̤̪̙̜̳͒͑ͅt̆ͪ͗͛ͭ̌+̵̷̯́+̴̜̩̗̐ͭ̅̓̊̄͛y̬͇̦̣ͩ́ͬ̒̆̑̎o̬͐́ͮͩ̅̎u͙̗̳͚̪̲̬̱͓͛͒̒̂̓̽͒+̸̲͆́͠l̰͉͊ͮͯ̅ͩͩͨ͂̑͜ọ̠̉̉̿̆͝͝͠š̴̯̥̦͂̾ͦ̎ͩͬ͜t̨̩͔̜͛̆̉ͭ͐ͨ+̞͉̮̞+͉̯̳̘̮̥̱̐̓̂͑ͬt͕̘̻͇̠̖̽̂ͥͤͤͨ̀̅́͘ͅh̛̯̥ͥ̽͗ͥ̀ͭ̋ͥ̕e̵͛̾̒͐̃ͣ͢+̬͇͍̤̖͞+̫͇͖͍̻̟̭͎͈͋̈́̈͗̚̕͠g̉̃҉͙̳̪̬̪͖̦á͉̳̼̗̹̜̦̬m̡͉̩̝̞ͬͭ͐̅͐͛͐͠ͅ+ę̣̳̜͈̣͎͚͆ͩ̂̎̄ͦ̾

7 minutes
11:46 AM me: that came through as a bunch of boxes and + signs
John: so does your FACE
11:47 AM me: nope. it doesnt.
11:48 AM John: Pictures, people, and mirrors all lie. I tell you the truth.

iPad

Today’s Physics Lesson

Hammerpace; the other dimension of hammertime.

Goosebutta remova

Goosebutta Remova

>>What’s that smell?
It’s my goosebutta
>>What’s that smell?
It’s my goosebutta
>>What’s goosebutta? Dat butta from a goose?
No stupid foo it’s when balls make soup
>>Yo balls do what?
My balls make soup
>>Yo balls make soup?
Fuck yea they do
goosebutta soup!

Fuck this goosebutta
Im gonna take care of it,
>>You gonna stop sweatin?
No fool, I’ma stop wearin it

Got dis new product
I herd its da shit
It’s called the goosebutta remova
You spread it on yo nuts
Or even on yo butts

Yeah im gonna stop the sweatn
I’m gonna stop the smell
If my balls try n make soup
No one can tell

get the goosebutta…remova
It’s all you need
Yo bitches will thank you
when de suckin on yo cheff boy ar d!

Goosebutta remova
a product of “what’s dat smell LLC”

Operators are standing by.

Are you gay?

I used to hang out with a lot of girls when I was young; like 5th & 6th grade. It wasn’t until I was a little older my mother started to express her curiosity about me having more girlfriends than boyfriends. Apparently she wasn’t aware of what a pimp does. In 8th grade, my mother asked if I was gay. It was cool because she’s always taught us kids to be understanding and accepting of everyone no matter what. So it wasn’t that she was worried, she was just curious. I often tell that story to gay people I meet. You know the way people overcompensate in some way to prove the person they are talking with isn’t different. Like when a white kid is talking to a bunch of black people and mentions that when he was little he had a lot of black friends or that he had a black roommate in college. As if that’s going to reduce any awkwardness. When I tell that story to gay guys, they always ask what I said to my mother. What was your response? I told him I was a little surprised at first, but I took my friend’s dick out of my mouth and said absolutely not. Like where did you get an idea like that?

6 More Truths of Life

1. If you Lean your head back and simulate shaking salt into your mouth, you’ll taste salt.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.

4. You’re smiling now because you’re an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There’s still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologise about this.

I’m an idiot and I needed company …

Transit Security System

Transit Authorities from around the US have come together to compile images and video from their local transit systems. People of Public Transit is a new security website aimed at keeping tabs on Public Transit’s most suspicious looking passengers. When questioned about the validity of such an effort one representative said, “Have you seen some of these people? They’re freaks! There’s no way these people are just riding to get somewhere. They’re obviously going to cause some sort of trouble, and we’re hoping this new site can help identify some of these perps.”

It’s unclear as to the legal ramifications of profiling purely based on freakiness level, but one transit authority employee had this to say, “I’ve seen some wild freaks on the train and can’t help but think they are going to do something crazy like sit next to someone or accidentally make eye contact with a normal passenger. We just can’t have that.”

The future of freak profiling remains uncertain, but the public is encouraged to visit People of Public Transit and submit photos of the freaks they come into contact with to help rid the system of these monstrosities.

COME ON! WHAT R U WAITING FOR?! I’M RIGHT HERE! DO ME NOW!

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