Going Bald? Here’s how to deal.

I want all you to know that most Men go bald. Yes, I said most. I think the statistic is like 94.3254% of all men go bald. You’re probably saying to yourself, “no way it’s 94.3254%”, but I assure you it is, and I’m going to tell you why.

For a long time now, it’s been customary to hide a shinny balding head. Most men would fail miserably at hiding this inevitable fact of life. From wigs and sprays to creams and plugs men have been trying to hide their balding heads, but all of these treatments looked retarded. Honestly, a spray? I rest my case.

So way back in like 1984 you would be able to spot balding men from a mile away, but today, you almost never see them. That’s why you’re so amazed by the 94.3254%, but it’s true. Most intelligent men have found a little something, a secret if you will, that has allowed them to interact in society without anyone knowing of their male “pattern” baldness. I want to take a second and personally thank the inventor of the most revolutionary invention since the wheel; the big secret I’m about to reveal is the comb over.

I’m not sure where or how it started, but I can’t think of a better way to style your hair to prevent anyone from realizing you’re going bald. Take your average guy losing his hair. Male pattern baldness doesn’t have anything on him so long as he’s sporting a decent comb over. You probably know someone with a comb over. Yes, even you. Comb overs are so slick, stylish, and completely undetectable by modern science you probably work, live, or have sex with someone that has a comb over and don’t even know. I may even have one, I just can’t tell, and neither can you. That’s how slick.

The formula is simple. Six, or so, strands from either of your sideburns grown extra long and folded over the top of your head. That’s all you need for the perfect comb over. Now don’t be a fool and think that gravity will hold it there, because a lot of men make this mistake. Just take some of your wife’s, girlfriend’s, or sister’s hair moose and apply it directly to your comb over for a perfectly flat and shinny finish. Unless it’s all perfectly flat and shinny, you haven’t done it right.

There’s going to be a few idiots in your life that will tell you that your new sporty comb over doesn’t look natural, doesn’t make them horny, or that you should shave or buzz your hair really short. Don’t listen to these retards, they are just jealous of your sweet hair. Not only are they jealous, but they are completely turned on, yes even the guys. These guys only wished they had the ability to grow a kick ass comb over like you do. In life you’ll find two kinds of people, comb over hating fucktards and old men with comb overs. Which are you? Me too.

So if you’re going bald and want to do something about it, don’t even think of shaving or buzzing it off. Just comb one of your sexy sideburns over the top of your head, apply some super stiffing moose, and see how many hot chicks bang your hot ass. Trust me, you won’t regret it.