Things you learned the hard way II

• Your true friends are the ones who stick by you both when you’re down and when you’re up. You might be stunned to find how many true friends you have and which ones they are.
• The most fascinating topic of conversation for 99% of the population is themselves.
• Don’t kiss anything while you’re drunk if you haven’t while you were sober.
• Your little sister may swear that she won’t tell mom about your special kind of love that you and she share, but it will slip out at the most inopportune moment. Like thanksgiving dinner.
• The last one probably applies to some people. Sick. Or is it?
• Little boys always tell.
• Ok, now it’s just getting weird.
• When you’re burying a body, try to leave the ground looking undisturbed.
• Jesus, these aren’t lessons people need to learn.
• Having sex with a young lady of questionable moral fiber without use of a condom can result in catching a sexually transmitted disease, such as Gonorrhea.
• Ok, that’s better.
• Don’t think police dogs can’t smell your weed because they are basically ninjas. Don’t stick your pills in the same bag as your weed because the hairy ninjas will find them.
• When you’re with people who are doing dangerous things that if caught the repercussions will be minimal, fucking do it.
• Get laid early, take condoms everywhere.
• Self appearance is everything; grow your hair then get it styled, wear cool clothes and get rid of those fucking spots.
• Buy some running shoes and run for a few minutes every night after dark until you can run for a long time. It’s easy and gets you fit.
• Get off the internet and get friends. Go out at every opportunity and stay in and masturbate during the winter.
• Regarding the man in the van who offers you candy? Don’t take it.