Pet Peeves III

Things that make me go rage part III.

1. People who “trick out” their cars with shitty after-market modifications. This is most commonly seen on Japanese cars. I blame the movie The Fast and The Furious.
2. Girls that think their own VAGINA’s are gross. I like them and I like yours. Get the fuck over it. Stop worrying about it when I’m going down on you.
3. I hate people who say “Well everyone else does it.” No, not everyone.
4. People that think their opinion is the only correct one or that I should treat it as fact. What are you an encyclopedia? Even if you’re quoting one, you’re probably doing it wrong.
5. When someone speaks broken English and they get offended when you can’t fucking understand them.
6. People who perpetuate stereotypes and then bitch about being stereotyped. There’s a reason you’re a stereotype.
7. Twitter. Nobody cares what the fuck you’re doing. NOBODY. Unless you are a celebrity, you are MEANINGLESS, no matter how much a website makes it seem otherwise.
8. Customers who threaten store workers that they will take their business elsewhere. The clerk gets paid by the hour dipshit; they don’t give a fuck if you leave.
9. Rednecks. Everything about them.
10. Fox News. It’s not fair. It’s not balanced. Sometimes, it’s not even news. And when it is, it’s not always right. But man will people quote them like it’s the bible.
11. Saying something and instantly regretting it.
12. People who put “xoxox” at the end of anything. This isn’t gossip girl.
13. People that tan all day every day and their skin looks like leather.
14. Fake people and the trail of social destruction they leave behind until their life changing revelation that they shouldn’t be such fake douchebags. I.E. the person that’s always apologizing during reunions.
15. Kids who are disrespectful to their parents. They give these kids so much and the kids act like douchebags and yell at the parents.

Boys have a penis, girls have a…

Repeat after me, “Boys have a penis, girls have a __________”

• bloody axe wound
• pit of hell
• badly packed taco
• soul devouring pleasure hole
• va jay-jay
• Elliot always called it her Bajingo. I prefer to call it the unmentionables
• sex hole
• warm pit of aroused passion
• dick-hole
• vagingo
• wet pleasure hole
• wah-wah
• pink taco
• vagoo
• hairbrush holder
• second rectum
• cum dumpster
• girl penis
• inside-out pee-pee
• dick-cave
• woman-spot
• gee-gee
• penis eating hate tunnel
• ALL WOMEN ARE WHORES
• wizard’s sleeve

What Could Billy Mays Sell? IV

Continued from: Part III of our tribute to Billy Mays.

• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL COMMON SENSE TO SCIENTOLOGISTS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CRUNCHY BACON TO WILBUR
• BILLY MAYES COULD SELL BIRTH CONTROL TO A NUN
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL WOMEN’S RIGHTS TO NORTH KOREA
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL WEAKNESS TO CHUCK NORRIS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DEMOCRACY TO THE MIDDLE EAST
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A FREEZER TO AN ESKIMO
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DEFEAT TO THE FRENCH
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL PORK TO MUSLIMS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CHEESE TO WISCONSIN

What Could Billy Mays Sell? III

Continued from: Part II of our tribute to Billy Mays.

• BILLY MAYES COULD SELL DOMINOES TO PIZZA HUT
• BILLY MAYES COULD SELL WATER TO A FISH
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A PICASSO TO STEVIE WONDER
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A SANDWICH TO NICOLE RITCHIE
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AIDS TO AN AFRICAN CHILD
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AN 80-YEAR OLD TO PEDOBEAR
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AN IMAC TO BILL GATES
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL BLACK SLAVES TO JESSE JACKSON
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL LIGHT BULBS TO THE AMISH
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SAFE RELIABLE FUEL EFFICIENT IMPORTED CARS TO AMERICANS LIVING IN THE MIDWEST

Next: Part IV of our tribute to Billy Mays.

You must be joking

50 Cent is one lucky mother-fucker to finally get an opportunity to meet Pruane2Forever.

Seriously, WTF. He actually talks shit about him after.

What Could Billy Mays Sell? II

Continued from: Part I of our tribute to Billy Mays.

• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CONDOMS TO THE POPE
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL NAZIS TO JEWS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL RUNNING SHOES TO A CRIPPLE
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SOULS TO JESUS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL MAYS TO BILLY
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SALT TO THE OCEAN
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL KARATE LESSONS TO CHUCK NORRIS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL RELIGION TO ATHEISTS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL VEIL TO A VEGETARIAN
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL MUSIC TO THE DEAF
• BILLY MAYS SOLD HELEN KELLER A DRUM SET
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CARS TO THE BLIND
• BILLY MAYES COULD SELL SAND TO A BEACH
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A HOUSE WITHOUT BASEMENT TO JOSEF FRITZL
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL MIGHTY PUTTY TO GUMBY

Next: Part III of our tribute to Billy Mays.

Pet Peeves II

Back with more RAGE!

1. Pretentious college students.
2. People who chew with their mouth open.
3. People who say ‘labtop’.
4. People that mistreat animals.
5. Big nipples and/or areolas.
6. Skinny girls with fat legs.
7. People who insist on pressing already lit buttons when waiting for an elevator. It’s not going to come any faster.
8. I hate girls who whine constantly about their petty problems. I can only pretend to care for so long.
9. Inconsiderate fucks who use their cell phones in inappropriate places.
10. People who think everything can be solved by prayer.
11. People who believe anything a religious official tells them.
12. When people argue about religion (nobody will change their mind because you made a good point)
13. People who shove their religious beliefs down your throat.
14. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS; I’m not a politician and neither are you.
15. When people talk to me about their problems all the time, but when I do the same they show obvious disinterest.

What Could Billy Mays Sell?

A tribute to Billy Mays.

July 20, 1958 – June 28, 2009

• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A 10 DOLLAR BILL FOR ONLY $19.99
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BEARD TO HIMSELF
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BIKE TO STEVEN HAWKING
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BOOK TO A NIGGA
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BOWFLEX TO CHUCK NORRIS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A BOX OF AIDS TO UNINTERESTED PARTIES
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A HORSE TO CHRISTOPHER REEVE
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A JONAS BROTHERS CD
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A PANDEMIC VIRUS TO PRESIDENT MADAGASCAR
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL A PLAYSTATION 3
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ADDITIONAL PYLONS TO THE ZERG
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ADULT LINK DEKU STICKS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AFRICAN RESIDENCY TO YOU
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AMERICAN CARS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL AN ETCH-A-SKETCH TO MICHAEL JAY FOX
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ASIAN MEN MAGNUM CONDOMS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL BILLY MAYS TO BILLY MAYS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL COURAGE TO THE FRENCH
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CP TO CHRIS HANSON
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL CREAM AND CALL IT BUTTER I CAN’T BELIEVE ITS NOT BUTTER
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL DIET WATER
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL FAIL TO CHUCK NORRIS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL GYM MEMBERSHIPS TO PARALYZED PEOPLE
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL HOMELESS PEOPLE FURNITURE
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL HOT CHOCOLATE IN THE SAHARA
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ICE TO ESKIMOS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL INDIANS LAND
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL JANET JACKSON CLOTHES THAT WON’T MALFUNCTION
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL JEWISH PEOPLE HITLER MEMORABILIA
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL JEWISH PEOPLE SOAP MADE OUT OF JEWS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL LIFE INSURANCE TO GOD
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL LOGIC TO FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL MATERNITY CLOTHING AT AN ABORTION CLINIC
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL MICHAEL JACKSON A FEMALE HOOKER
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS LIFEJACKETS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL MYLEY CYRUS A PORN STARRING BILLY RAY CYRUS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL PANTIES TO PARIS HILTON
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL REAL MUSIC TO EMO KIDS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SLEEPING PILLS TO A COMA PATIENT
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL SNOW TO A RUSSIAN
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL TEA TO THE AMERICAN COLONISTS DURING THE UNFAIR BRITISH TAX LEVIES OF THE LATE 1700S
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE COMPLETE DVD SET OF FULL HOUSE
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE COMPLETE DVD SET OF FULL HOUSE TO BOB SAGET!
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE DEVIL HIS OWN SOUL
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE FONZ WORLD OF WARCRAFT
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL THE SHIT HE JUST CRAPPED FOR ONLY $19.95
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL TWILIGHT FANS A REAL VAMPIRE BOOK
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL UNDERWEAR ON ROCK OF LOVE
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL USED CONDOMS
• BILLY MAYS COULD SELL YOU SHIT YOU ALREADY OWN

Next: Part II of our tribute to Billy Mays.

My own shitty super power

Did you ever think for a while that you were the only person who could tense the inside of your ears and have the sound similar to a thunderstorm miles away? I used to think it was my own shitty superpower.

Turns out I’m not the only super man.

You’re making the sound now, aren’t you?

What are these bitches thinking?

I don’t understand what gives chicks the urge to become total whores and fuck everything they see. I mean honestly, women have the same size brain as men, you’d think it would function correctly. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that I can see tits and ass any time I want, but sometimes I get philosophical and wonder what the fuck are these bitches thinking?