Ce Ce Peniston – Finally

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The lyrics in the clip are as follows:

Finally it has happened to me
Right in front of my face
My feelin’s can’t describe it

Innocent enough and, one would think, also easy to understand; unless you’re me. Here’s what I thought she was saying: (feel free to play the part back go get the whole humiliating effect)

Finally it has happened to me
Right in front of my face
Mafi Lens can’t describe it

I know what you’re thinking, you thought it was Mafi Lens too. So I won’t make fun of you, but what in the hell is a Mafi Lens. And you should of heard me belt this jam OUT. I was all over the Mafi Lens. Had no clue what it was, but sure was loud as could be.

Chalk Ce Ce Peniston’s Finally on the misunderstood lyrics board of fail.

Ce Ce Peniston – Finally (Full Song):

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Windows 7

me: so I just installed Windows 7
Mark: Well I just installed 7 windows.
Im saving that family on energy costs.

T-Pain sings Miami Dolphin’s Anthem

Your boy T-Pain has auto-tuned his way into the hearts of Dolphin’s fans with his rendition of the Miami Dolphin’s anthem, originally written by Lee Ofman in 1973. Ofman couldn’t be reached for comment, but we think he would have this to say, “WTF?!?”.

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Hey
Heyee
Lea eah ‘ts Go!
Miami has the Dolphins, the greatest football team.
We take the ball from goal to goal like no one’s ever seen.
We’re in the air; we’re on the ground; we’re always in control,
And when you say Miami, you’re talking Super Bowl;
‘Cause we’re the Miami Dolphins, Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins, number one! Number one!
We’re the Miami Dolphins, Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins, number one! Number one!
(“Come on Go, come on, Goal”)
[Rinse, Repeat]

Congratulations Dolphins. You can’t win games but at least T-Pain is behind you.

In case you were wondering, here’s the original:

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Thanks again, T-Pain; definitely an improvement and you didn’t ruin it at all.

Glenn Beck Screaming (Ringtone)

Recently Glen Beck has been under some fire for his comments calling Obama a racist. While Glenn boy’s statements were completely ridiculous, it wasn’t my favorite. During his radio show on July 15, Glenn had an argument with one of his callers and, without exageration, Glenn freaks out. It’s amazing.

Anyway, I recently got a new phone and couldn’t think of a better ringtone than Glenn boy’s rant. So I downloaded his show, cut it up, and created an mp3.

Here’s what it sounds like:

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And here’s the download link in case you want it: Glenn Beck Screaming

I have Verizon Wireless, so all I had to do was email that mp3 to my_phone_number@vzwpix.com (5551113322@vzwpix.com for example) which sends my phone a text message with the mp3 attached. From there I had the option to save the file as a ringtone. I don’t know how it works with other providers.

Super Serial Sports Statements

• Donovan McNabb knows how to win Super Bowls.
• The Indianapolis Colts made the biggest mistake in football history taking Payton Manning over Ryan Leaf.
• Gary Bettman is a genius. Why would you let some idiot like Jim Balsillie take a hockey team out of the desert and into such a poor hockey market like Canada.
• The 72′ Dolphins couldn’t hold a candle to the 08′ Lions.
• Mike Gundy is in his 30′s.
• Mike Tyson should be a narrator.
• Alan Iverson should write the books that Tyson narrates. They should all be about practice.
• Eagles fans are delightful, well spoken, and friendly.
• The clock counting up with extra time randomly added at the end in soccer isn’t stupid at all.
• The New York Yankees are underrated.
• Urban Meyer would not leave his wife for Tim Tebow.

God’s drug addiction

This is a Google Chat I had with a guy I work with. To give you some back story we work with another guy named Ryan. He’s a Mormon. Mormon’s give 10% of their paycheck to the church (and if you didn’t know are crazy about religion; no drinking, so sex, no fun, fanatics). ANY time there is free food in the office, anywhere on any floor, Ryan seeks it out and is always the first one. It’s like he’s poverty stricken. Really he’s just cheap. Morals of a fanatic Mormon, spending habits of a superjew. He’s the captain planet of religion. Anyway, there was pizza in the kitchen today and Ryan of course ran in there as fast as possible. The following Google Chat conversation ensued.

me: I like how Ryan runs as fast as he can to get to free food
Brian: hahah
me: someone should just tell him to stop giving 10% of his paycheck away and buy some food with it.
Brian: hahah, no kidding
what an enormous waste of money!!!!!
me: God doesn’t appreciate this gchat.
Brian: hahaha, God doesnt give a shit
hes off creating universes
me: Except on sundays. He rests on those days.
Brian: but he does seem to be financially irresponsible
always asking for money and shit
hes worse than you and i!
me: haha
me: God wakes up on saturdays and is like fuck.. gotta get some more money tomorrow morning.
he’s god, so he’s gotta do so many more drugs to get fucked up
Brian: yeah. jsut spent it all on saturday, so he takes a day off while everyone donates to him
on sunday
what a brilliant idea
and the drugs he buys are probably really expensive too
wonder what Ryan would think if he knew he was funding god’s drug addiction
me: hahaha

Why big boobs are awesome

America would like to take this time apologize

America would like to take this time to say sorry for:

• Paris Hilton
• Perez Hilton
• The drug war
• The war on terror
• The Brady Bunch
• MTV, after they started showing The Real World
• Sarah Palin
• George W. bush
• Ruining Star Wars
• Ruining Indiana Jones
• Suv’s
• George W. Bush
• Elmo
• Emo’s
• Bacon Flavored Mayonnaise
• Country music
• Johnny Knoxville
• All Boy bands
• Lindsay Lohan
• George W. Bush
• Guantanamo Bay
• Iraq War
• Leaving Saddam in power in the first damn place
• Baseball player’s Contracts
• Basketball players All of them Going back to Denis Rodman
• Ruining Harry Potter with Shitty movies
• Remaking classic movies into shitty ones
• Tila Tequila
• That Stripper that gave you crabs
• Golf courses in deserts
• 2 girls one cup(not sure if it’s ours but still)
• MetroSexuals
• Trying to ban gay marraige
• PETA
• Canceling Family guy and Futurama in the first damn place
• Soap Operas
• Dane Cook
• George W. Bush
• Oprah/Dr. Phil
• Shitty Public Schools
• Wiggers/KKK/Rednecks
• All republicans( Especially George W Bush)
• All Democrats(except Bill Clinton Keep Smoking and Fucking Billy!!!)
• Ralph Nader
• Global Warming
• and of Course GEORGE W.Bush

At what point does CPR become necrophilia?

I hate my job

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with.

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks. I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to breath.

The next chick is the complete opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless yet she is here with us. However, on the attractiveness scale, she is a zero. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960′s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.