Watch it backwards II

If you watch Friday the 13th backwards, it’s about an anonymous fellow performing emergency medicine and rescuing teenagers in the woods.

If you watch Titanic backwards, it’s a movie about an iceberg that builds a fucking huge-ass ship full of passengers, lifeboats, and deck chairs.

If you watch MacGyver backwards, it’s about a guy who always manages to find the toothpick, paperclip, stick of gum, or aluminum foil that’s holding some amazing machine together, and then taking it out. What a dick.

If you watch Jeopardy! backwards, it’s a show about rich people paying money for answers to questions.

If you watch House backwards, it’s still never lupus.

If you watch Scarface backwards, it’s about a man who gives up cocaine and crime to follow his dream of becoming a dishwasher to earn enough money so he can visit Cuba.

If you watch porn backwards, it’s about a husband vacuuming semen off his wife’s face before putting on his plumbing jumpsuit and heading off to work.

If you watch Gremlins backwards you learn that all you have to do is feed a monster after midnight and it’ll turn into a cute, cuddly fur ball.

If you watch any movie about Jesus backwards, it’s about a guy who comes back from the dead after being crucified and goes around infecting people with horrible diseases. He steals fish and loaves of bread from 5,000 starving people and then wrecks a perfectly good party by turning wine into water.

If you watch Juno backwards, it’s about a girl who steals a baby from two people who don’t like each other and then stuff its up her vagina thus slowly consuming it. The perceptive ones will see a story in the background about the two who got their baby stolen falling in love with each other.

If you watch Twilight backwards, vampires still shouldn’t fucking sparkle.

If you watch your life backwards you die first and then start living in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. Spend your last nine months floating…and you finish off as an orgasm.