Why Baseball sucks

Just about everyone in the world knows what baseball is. Some have played, most have watched, and everyone knows how much it sucks. You couldn’t pay me to watch it. Ok, you could, but I wouldn’t enjoy it. There are several reasons why baseball is the worst sport ever:

1. No salary cap. While the highest payroll doesn’t guarantee a championship, it does guarantee that players like Alex “bitch tits” Rodriguez make entirely way too much money. No salary cap also eliminates any possible balance in the league. Don’t believe me? Look at the Pirates. They wouldn’t stand a chance in a series against any of the top teams. If they had any players who would give them a shot, they would undoubtedly trade them away for “prospects”. Baseball sucks.
2. The widespread use of steroids. Exhibit A: Bary Bonds:
   No explanation needed. You don’t go from being as skinny as Paris Hilton to bigger than Brock Lesner on Muscle Milk and Creatine. Baseball sucks.
   
   Exhibit B: Manny Ramirez:
   
   He obviously gets his haircut by the same barber as the predator. While this doesn’t prove he does roids, his recent conduct makes it pretty evident. While he didn’t admit to taking any performance enhancing drugs, he accepted a 52 game suspension for a banned substance used to cover up the use of steroids. That’s not too obvious; I can see why people aren’t convinced. Baseball sucks.
   
   Exhibit C: Alex Rodriguez:
   
   Bitch Tits.
3. Pete Rose being banned from the hall of fame. For what? Betting on the games? If you made me sit in the dugout full of spit blood and semen (I’m sure it’s there) for half my life I’d be doing much worse things than betting. I am sure he just said “I bet you $100 this game is going to be boring as fuck”. Pete Rose should not be punished for trying to bring excitement to an otherwise boring game. Baseball sucks.
4. The pace of the game. I remember being a kid in the outfield. I am surprised I didn’t kill myself. The highlight of my day wasn’t if/when a ball was hit to me, it was stepping on bees. I can’t imagine it gets any better when you’re a pro. The catcher fingers himself for 20 minutes until the pitcher approves, then the pitcher rolls the baseball around in his hand imagining it’s the catcher’s ball sack that he just fingered. Finally he throws the ball. If by chance the batter hits it, the odds of anything exciting happening are slim to none. Baseball is a slow shitty game. Baseball sucks.
5. Big “plays” of the game. You can’t make a spectacular catch in baseball. Either it’s in the glove or it’s not. There is an off chance someone will catch it bare handed, but that’s still not cool. One of the biggest “accomplishments” in baseball is a no-hitter. Thanks dick, you just eliminated any possible chance of this game being remotely entertaining. Baseball sucks.
6. Buster Olney: Who really enjoys this guy? Who cares if he knows a lot about baseball. What kind of name is Buster anyway? He is just biding his time until ESPN covers furry conventions. Why? Because baseball sucks.