#1 Dad In The Solar System
on March 28, 2008 in WTF?
Let me tell you a little story about Joshua Mauldin. Early last year Joshua, his wife Eva, and his two month old daughter Ava moved to Galveston, Texas from Arkansas. Joshua and his family had decided to move so he could become a preacher. In fact, Joshua had been quoted as saying that God ordered him to go to Galveston, which makes sense.
When the family arrived in Galveston, they had to get a hotel room before they could move into their new house. One day Joshua and his daughter were in the hotel room while his wife had gone out to get some food. Joshua had been angered by the loveless marriage he was in and decided to do something about it.
The first thing Joshua did to try to fix his marriage was punch his two month old daughter, Ava. He was angry with his marriage and that was the first thing that came to his mind. He felt bad for her and wanted to put her somewhere safe, so he then decided to put Ava in the hotel room safe. This turned out to be a worse idea than the first. She was obviously pissed so he probably felt she needed to “cool off”. That’s when he put her in the refrigerator. At this point, the marriage was still not any better, and Ava was getting cold. Joshua’s last attempt to fix his marriage and simultaneously warm up Ava was to put her in the microwave for about 20 seconds.
After he was done fixing his marriage, he was arrested and charged with injury to a child, causing serious bodily harm. He first told police that Ava was just sunburned. He probably thought it was a good lie because kids that are two months or younger don’t really understand how to properly apply sunscreen. Then Joshua changed his story. He said that he was making coffee in the hotel room and that the hot water spilled on Ava.
Police probably would have believed the story, but since he had changed his story and Ava looked kinda like she had been microwaved for 20 seconds, the police didn’t buy his lie. So Joshua was arrested and charged for the failed attempts to fix his loveless marriage.
Earlier this week Joshua was given his right to a fair trial. The prosecution was seeking the death penalty, but Joshua’s lawyer had a different plan for Joshua’s rehabilitation. The defense first claimed that Joshua was insane and that he should be let go with probation. His lawyer claimed that Joshua needed probation so that he could continue receiving psychiatric treatment. Obviously Joshua and his lawyer share the same set of morals.
Neither the court nor the jury bought Joshua’s or his lawyer’s bullshit defense attempts. Joshua was sentenced to 25 years in prison and a $10,000 fine. Joshua couldn’t be reached for comment, but sources say that his marriage is still loveless.
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